Follow by Email

Monday, June 10, 2013

Love Story Part 8

The next morning dread engulfed me. I knew what I had to do. I had the best evening in a long while, but there was something lingering. A very important matter was to be attended to and I wasn't sure I had the guts to do it.

Josh. There was Josh. Just a sweet southern boy with a cute face and long drawl, and he had no idea what was coming.

The sooner it was done the better and so with solemn thoughts, mingled with deserved guilt, I dialed the numbers on my phone.

"Hey, how was the dance?"

Gulp. He knew I was attending. I had complained to him about my mom badgering me to go. I never thought I would actually enjoy myself!

"Umm, it was alright. Not that interesting. But Listen, we need to talk."

There was silence on the other end. I could tell he was holding his breath. He knew, at that moment, we both knew. My thoughts were spinning, Danielle don't draw out the rejection and pain any longer.

I simply needed to peel off the band aid and quit dancing around a relationship I couldn't fully commit to. He deserved better. And yet..well I cared for him, I hated thinking of any anguish and discomfort I would cause him.

We were friends, and it wasn't like I wasn't attracted to him. Break ups are the worst, especially if they are long distance and there is a ring involved.

"I'm sorry. I just, I don't think that I can do this."

He cleared his throat and quietly said.

"Okay. Did something happen at the dance?"

It was my turn to hold my breath. I couldn't tell him. He was already bound to hate me forever, but to tell him there was another guy well wasn't that the ultimate sin? What kind of selfish girl was I? No, a white lie, that would do him better. Besides these feeling surfaced before I set eyes on Danny.

"No...this is what I've been feeling BEFORE any dance. I tried to ignore them really, I did. I do care about you. But I'm scared, and this anxiety is tearing me down. It's like I don't know who I am."

I became a broken record and he told me..

"I know you want someone who is willing to fight for you. But I'm just not sure how I do that so far away."

That poor sweet boy. Why wasn't I head over heels? He simply listened to me blabbering on about my insecurities, about the pressure in my chest and throat that lingered like a rain cloud. I told him things would probably be different if he lived closer, if he was there to calm my overactive nerves, but he wasn't and couldn't.

And so it had to end, this drama induced affair that dragged us, or rather me into a whirlwind of emotions. I needed to relieve him of his duties because I could not promise there would be no repeats. And really, hadn't I created enough damage?

"Maybe we could start over. And just be friends. Why does it have to be all or nothing Danielle?"

In truth I wasn't sure. All I knew was that the minute our ties were cut, the fear, pressure and pain for me would stop. I never thought about how my relief would bring on the pain for him.

"I bought a ring, a car..." he trailed off.

He was one of the more quiet, humble souls and chose not to give the good telling off I deserved.

"It just needs to be this way. I need..time. Give me the summer."

I hung up the phone, swelled with guilt and sorrow. But even with my regretful disservice, I felt a glimmer of hope and freedom. I was me again.


Sent from my iPhone


No comments: