Showing posts from April, 2013

A Miscarriage

Last Thursday my spotting took a turn for the worse. It began right before bringing Elly to dance class. What was once occasional purple gook coming out of me was suddenly red and flowing.

If that hadn't worried me, then the cramping would have.

It felt like my period hopped up on steroids. And then the clots came, in huge dark lumps. I believe I was still in denial in the beginning changes

"Maybe there is still a baby in me"

It was a hope more, after all I bled furiously, clots and all with Elly, and in the end there still came a baby.

She came while I was on bed rest, ten weeks early, but she was there. I had bled on and off from seven weeks till the day she was born in my 30th week. I was on and off of bed rest, in and out of the hospital with over night stays and contractions at 26 weeks.

And then the remaining six weeks of my pregnancy with Elly, I was banished to the bedroom. We had our own home, but we moved into my parents in law suite so I co…

Aunt Mary

I am so grateful my girls have a fun young Aunt to play with. Mary loves doing their hair, taking pictures of them and just hanging out. Elly loves Mary, and Mary loves Elly. Aunt Mary is fifteen years old, and is busy with cheerleading, track and school, but she has made time for my girls.
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Choosing to be Happy

It is easy to be happy with the weather we are having these days. Sunny and seventies with flowers in bloom. The school season is wrapping up, though I doubt that it will ever really wrap up for us with all the summer work books I've a crewed, summer camp to plan and plenty of books to read. There is much to be thankful for.

I went to the doctors yesterday, I was spotting and it still irked me that I was not feeling ill. The results were less than complimentary. There was a sack in there, bunt was empty. No yolk sack or amniotic fluid that the specialist could see.

"It is not measuring up to where it should is much smaller. When was your last period again??"

She already knew, but was checking up in hopes it was still early.

The doctors said to wait two more weeks but that it was a 50/50 chance really. Too early to tell what was to happen.

But it's okay. The sun is shining, I have two gorgeous girls I am blessed to stay home with. They both g…

Pregnancy Fears

I'm scared. I'm scared because I am five weeks pregnant and I have no symptoms that I usually have. I am not sick, smells are not revolting to me and I feel normal, just fine.

Which makes me wonder, am I pregnant? Is there a live baby in there...or did I lose it already?? And I want another baby so bad, that this overwhelming fear weighs on me, and makes my heart heavy.

Every time I see a newborn, those precious just from heaven babies, I melt. And the thought stirs me, I'm ready, ready for another baby.

And I know I'm only five weeks along, but I I recall those horrible symptoms being nearly instantaneous. As crazy as it sounds, those symptoms also brought comfort. Like I always knew I was pregnant because the harsh reality was I wouldn't be throwing up like a crazy if I wasn't. Never mind I could not manage to take care of myself let alone Elly.

Oh I am just scared and I don't know what to do about it. I called the doctor the other day a…