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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Love Story Part 1

To tell my love story, I have to start from the beginning, which involves a mini love story before the love story-a chance for you to see the real confused and pushy jerk within me. We all have doubts and confusion about what is the right thing to do, what we really truly want in life, just most of you aren't crazy ridiculous like me. No matter,I will still share the story, because it is the story of me...and how I eventually met and married the love of my forever, Danny. Enjoy! It is a little bit all over the place and yeah I don't edit-no time for that. And feel free to judge.:::::

"I'm not supposed to be here!"
The words rattled into my head. Here I was standing in the hallway of a church building awaiting for the young single adult festivities to officially begin. Men and women bustled about, introducing themselves, laughing, playing games, while I stood there frozen in place, my heart beating with anxiety. After all, I didn't belong here, I was engaged, even if the circumstances were a bit strange.

I had no ring, my fiance lived hundreds of miles away and that swelling fearful sensation grew everytime I thought of him....but still I was engaged, and I had a commitment to him.

Him, meaning my new fiancé Josh. I'd known him now for almost two years, but as a friend for the majority of that time. When we met, he was my zone leader, on the mission I was serving for my Christian church. He had a few girls back home he was writing to and another local church member he was interested in whom he had also been writing. Yes he had more than a few admirers. He was confident, sweet, calm, patient, and I developed a bit of crush.

I can still remember that prick of attraction I'd felt for him, but I knew better than to focus on such thoughts. Likewise I was also involved with another young man back home.

Somewhere between the melting days of a mission, those prior relationships progressed then fizzled...and somehow in the blur of it all Josh had served his time and was home now in North Carolina. I was still living the dream serving in Salt Lake with another three months to go. And I remember the letter that seemed to change it all.

It started with a single question 
 
"Will you come to my sisters wedding in may?"

I didn't think much would come of it, after all we were friends, nothing more, I thought of this as a friendly favor. So I agreed, because he was my friend, that, and he was cute and tall and sweet, with an adorable southern accent. We exchanged letters till I arrived home on a bitter Februray evening.

And then when I was home and settled, the phone calls began. Daily evening talks, they were good, getting to know you better conversations. We had much in common in music, movies, hobbies.

In February when the winds were whipping and Pennslyvania was still frozen, It was time for a visit. Josh flew up for three days.

An image of him at baggage claim still haunts me. Tall and thin, his flecking green and blue eyes lit up at my presence. He looked the same with his sandy hair cut short, a grey v-neck sweater and blue jeans doning him, a black pea coat draped over his one arm and the hint of a silver watch linked about his wrist. He was quiet and calm as he walked towards my Dad and I, but I could see the curl in his lips. He was there not just in my mission life, but in my life after a mission, the real world.

It was a whirlwind of events, checking out the Philadelphia flower show, introducing him to my parents, trying to get to know one another in person once again. Getting warm and cozy with each other. I remember feeling anxious, like I knew what was expected of me and that I might as well dive deep into this relationship or split.

We were on the train heading home from Philly when I blurted it out-

"so.. How serious is this thing we have going on here?"

He shrugged and smiled.

"I'd say it's serious. I know I'm here for the long term."

But that nagging wouldn't go away, and the idiocy that is me was not satisifed without a fully defined answer.

"Like how serious? Like marriage serious? Dating serious?"

His arms curled around me, warming up my core, I sighed.

"I wouldn't come all the way up here if I didn't think that marriage wasn't in the picture."

It was good, something I was looking for to grasp my brain around and analyze for a bit.

"So...you could marry me."

I always had that restless nagging way about me. Always seeking instant results before I knew if that outcome was what I really needed or wanted. Here I was once again pushing to hard and pulling to fast, it wasn't a good trait, it still isn't.

"it would be nice to."

I smiled. I'd gotten what I want...almost.

"So you want to marry me?".

He chuckled at my persistence and my stomach began to flutter. I knew he did. Suddenly the letters, emails, phone calls, invitation to his sisters wedding connected into a complete picture. All that time, effort, thought, he meant it.

I blocked out all the previous memories of girls he had written to and mentioned to me. It was me he wanted now, I was his first pick. Or was I? Was I really first pick? Other relationships hadn't worked out. What if I was his back up plan? And while I was at it....was he my first pick? I could answer this...no neither one of us were that. We got along, there was clear attraction, we shared many things in common, but when it all came together, well...we were BOTH settling. The pieces to the puzzle had jagged ends, was I forcing myself into this relationship? Was I fearful of my future, my past, both?



 


5 comments:

Lori Ann said...

You can't stop here!! Tell us the rest!! ( and don't be so hard on yourself- I have only ever fallen in love with gay boys:)

Andrea said...

Ooo, suspense, intrigue, with a hint of naughty...you know how to write my friend! Reminds me of my first kiss w/ Dave, I blurted out, "So, are you going to kiss me or what?" what a way to ruin the moment...but hey, it all worked out for both of us ol' pushy pushers didn't it:P

Andrea said...

Oh, and I think we need to see a picture...

Celeste said...

You're a great story-teller...patiently waiting for the rest! Don't keep us waiting too long:)

The Murdocks said...

Ok, I'm dying to hear the rest! I miss you Danielle! I hope you and your family are doing well!
Brieann