My Anxiety Story Part 1

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A slithering cord wrapped around my throat, pressing away the oxygen.  Fear rose up my chest, down my arms, into my blood.  It was happening again, the loss of control, that feeling of unease, a constant jitteriness swelling into every corner of my body.

Anxiety and Panic: it is a fear that can tense every muscle, paralyze a soul and cause an intense downward spiral of hopelessness.  I have been there.  I have been enveloped by the black cloud before, I have allowed dark thoughts to take control and I am STILL battling the GIANT among me.
It started a year ago, the very same day a friend and I discussed the heart attack her father recently had.  It was the same month my Dad was to recieve a stint in his heart.  It had been consuming my every thought.  It's no wonder I woke up with back pain on the left side that very night.  Never mind I have had back pain since having a baby and nursing, and ALWAYS holding kids on my left side.  Those facts were not ringing through my brain, heart problems were. 

 I let the worry persist, till it festered and grew.  I decided it would be "smart" to look up the symptons of a heart attack on the internet-yes talk about fueling the fire.  Is it any wonder panic took over?  Initially back pain was my sole sypmton, yet once I read the symptons, curiously I convinced myself that the rest was bound to happen.  And guess what- it did. 

My heart began racing a mile a minute, my throat closed up, my stomach felt queasy.

"Danny"  I whispered loudly, tapping his shoulder.

Silence greeted me, allowing the fear to set in even more so.  

"Danny!"  This time I hit his shoulder.  

His eyes fluttered open and an angry scowl slid across his face.


I could barely breathe at this point , the room was beginning to spin and desperation was all I could muster.

"I think...I think I'm having a heart attack.  I think....I need to go to the hospital." 

His brows furrowed as he glared back at me.

"Go to bed.  Your not having a heart attack.  Your 30 years old."

I stood up, convinced I would have to do this on my own.  I might die if I didn't hurry.  But I only made it a couple of steps before the dizziness took over.  Both of my arms began to tingle, every bit of energy drained itself from me and I began to fall. 

To Be Continued......

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mary said…
Oh man... I can just see Danny saying this! How can you leave the story right there?!?! Cruel.
what?! you can't stop there!!!! ah I am dying to know what happened!!!
Danielle said…
Mary and Janelle: I know I know I stopped early, but there is only soo much time I get to write these days, that and I thought it would be a good cliff hanger. My goal is tell the whole story and then share ideas and changes that worked for me. Today I am 100 times better than that night I thought I was dying. Yes I still get a little ancy sometimes, but for the most part I feel a lot like my old self again.
Here's my story and how I got from there---to here :-)

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