The Best Of PA

That was how the whole night remained. The two of us dancing side by side. Having fun, being goofballs. I loved how at ease he put me. All anxiety, fear and tightened muscles had released itself from me. I was free. Free to have fun and be me again. Free to act silly and do dance moves like, "the shopping cart.", "the sprinkler" and so on. And we never left each other's side. Each slow dance was mine with this delicious young man. I felt happy, lucky and completely smitten. I'm not quite sure why I seemed surprised when Danny asked for my phone number at the end of the night, but I was. He wanted to take me out sometime. "But we live so far away." I replied. It was only a two hours drive, but I was trying to figure out how "dating" someone long distance would work. Still, I was extremely attracted to him, and felt completely myself around him. And so I shared my phone number. He left leaving a kiss on my cheek...

The dance was in full swing. We were learning the art of luau by an instructor. The hall was decked out as a polynesian paradise. Shortly after a lesson of hip swaying and hand waving, a steady beat filled the air. People began to fill the floor and a circle had formed. I was suddenly releived, elated even, music does that to me. I happen to have-or should I say had-a knack for dancing. And I can be kind of a ham. So without further ado, I seized the opportunity and jumped in the circle. I did as many hip hop, jazzy moves as I could before I ran out of them and settled back into the circle. In the background I heard a guys voice say "No one is going to top her tonight." I turned to see whos voice it was. The blonde haired boy with the striped shirt had said it. And I smiled to myself. I steadily moved away from the crowd. "Hey!" It was him, I stopped to allow him to catch up. He smiled back at me. "No one is going to top you...

"Just go to the dance Danielle. You might have fun." My Mom was urging me to get out the house. I wasn't doing much these days, besides working, worrying and talking on the phone. "Ugh, no Mom. I am engaged. I don't need to go to Singles events. I'm not single." I was feeling a little more secure and relaxed that weekend with being engaged. And I didn't want to do anything to ruin it. April had arrived and the damp rainy season had settled the wind. My church was putting on a Luau, complete with polynesian foods, decor and dancing. The normal "Danielle" would look forward to such an event, but not this new one. I rolled my eyes to the many requests to attend. "Just go to have fun, not to meet anyone." My Mom's persistence paid off, even if just to get her off my back. I gave in and decided to attend this shindig. After all what was one night of misery? I'd gotten quite used to the feeling anyway...

He was gone. Josh had flown home and abandoned me with a gripping anxiety. My fears and thoughts were as fresh and frozen as that blustery month of March . But it didn't stop me from saying them, those three little words before our parting...I love you. They came from both of our lips. I had been giddy when it happened...but now all I could feel was a jumble of pins and needles swirling in my stomach. We barely knew each other. I mean, we did, but not romantically, not deeply enough. Was this right?? There are billions of people out there...was I picking the right person for me?? Prayer became a constant facet to my life. And I was desperately pleading for some deliberate sign....like a huge flashing metal contraption above my bed that said: "Marry Him!!" or "Don't Do It!!" We talked for hours every night on the phone. We could laugh and joke about things...it felt comfortable.. until we hung up. Then doubt and fear crept th...

In a fit of insecurity and second thoughts I decided I had been wrong. I loved him, I must have if suddenly MY: attraction to him was strengthened, our conversations flowed with ease, and the anxiety had completely melted. I had screwed up. I let some silly fear get in the way, that must have been it!! Why did he seem soo irresistible suddenly if I wasn't meant to be with him?? Once again just days after the break up, I called him up. "Hey Josh" "Hey, how was your day?" "Good. So..I've been thinking." I heard him swallow hard "yeah?" "Well, it's just that our conversations have been so good lately." "Yeah". His voice perked up. "And well my doubts and fears are completely gone." "Yeah?" "I just don't know what I was thinking because...I love you." There was a long pause before any answer and I held my breathe. I blew it, I just blew it. "A...

He was gone. Josh had flown home and abandoned me with a gripping anxiety. My fears and thoughts were as fresh and frozen as that blustery month of March . But it didn't stop me from saying them, those three little words before our parting...I love you. They came from both of our lips. I had been giddy when it happened...but now all I could feel was a jumble of pins and needles swirling in my stomach. We barely knew each other. I mean, we did, but not romantically, not deeply enough. Was this right?? There are billions of people out there...was I picking the right person for me?? Prayer became a constant facet to my life. And I was desperately pleading for some deliberate sign....like a huge flashing metal contraption above my bed that said: "Marry Him!!" or "Don't Do It!!" We talked for hours every night on the phone. We could laugh and joke about things...it felt comfortable.. until we hung up. Then doubt and fear crept th...

To tell my love story, I have to start from the beginning, which involves a mini love story before the love story-a chance for you to see the real confused and pushy jerk within me. We all have doubts and confusion about what is the right thing to do, what we really truly want in life, just most of you aren't crazy ridiculous like me. No matter,I will still share the story, because it is the story of me...and how I eventually met and married the love of my forever, Danny. Enjoy! It is a little bit all over the place and yeah I don't edit-no time for that. And feel free to judge.::::: "I'm not supposed to be here!" The words rattled into my head. Here I was standing in the hallway of a church building awaiting for the young single adult festivities to officially begin. Men and women bustled about, introducing themselves, laughing, playing games, while I stood there frozen in place, my heart beating with anxiety. After all, I didn't belong here, I ...

MONDAY: DEDICATED TO SHOPPING/SPENDING MONEY It is quite the ordeal to go shopping in Utah.  I mean before you get out the door there is the primping and curling, make up and accessorizing.  In Pennsylvania I can run a comb through my hair, throw some earrings on and out the door I go.....without makeup at least half the time.  But in the land of the beautiful I wouldn't dare, I wouldn't want to scare anyone on my venture.    Seriously there are so many gorgeous gals AND guys out west.  I'm always surprised, (especially about the guys part). Never have I seen so many people so put together.  Hair perfectly in place, makeup evenly puffed on covering any sort of blemishes, adorable outfits, trendy jewlery.  It's like they stepped out of a fashion magazine.  Okay so not everyone is like this-I mean I was visiting-but the bulk of them...beautiful. So I made sure I primped and prepared right along with them and we w...

My head spun and stomache curdled as the plane took a dive to the right, bouncing our seats up and down in a throbbing sort of way.  We were preparing for landing.  The ride hadn't been so bad until the pilot mentioned over the loud speaker that in about twenty minutes we would be in Salt Lake.  It was then that metal contraption we were sitting in began to toss to and fro like a ship at sea.  Nausea took over me in one sweeping moment.  I had clutched my stomache with one hand, and covered my mouth with the other.  I could feel the sweat begin to bead at my forehead, neck and arm pits.  It seemed I had just the right amount of food in me that could force itself up my throat and into my dry mouth.  And as the plane jarred back and forth, and my insides swelled that is exactly what happened.  For the last ten minutes of the freakishly hot and dizzy landing I held my mouth tightly and ...

"This is your new normal."    My mom said this to me one day.  I had been filled with dread and unease at the prospect of a million thoughts.  I clung to the fear in my heart.  Would I die of a heart attack?  Who would raise my kids? Did I have some   incurable disease?  Was I going crazy?   Would I ever feel normal again?   I had counseled with her numerous times. Her calming words  relieved tension, anguish and nervous jitters.  But hours later I would find myself worrying once more, feeling the nerves tinge and the fear build.  I would fall back into hysteria and remain fixated in the fact that just weeks; now months ago, I was "normal."  I hadn't experienced anything as strong or overwelming before that first panic attack. I analyzed and obsessed.  When I caught my body relaxing I found myself acknowledging the fact ...